For those who may have missed General Conference this April, several of the talks directed some attention to the single men of the church, and their responsibility to get married. In fact, it stands out to most people as one of the prominent themes of Conference this year. So it comes as no surprise that I've been confronted several times about the topic. But I've also noticed that my conversations seem a little one-sided and presumptuous. Therefore, I've decided to write a series of blog entries from the perspective of a 25+ year-old priesthood holder. Comments are welcome as always, as I'd love to hear the opinions of all my blog readers.
First off, I want to say that I fully support the brethren, AND the message. Over the last several years, I've noticed how the family unit has become more and more attacked by the adversary. More and more families are victims of divorce, pornography, etc. The last several years have seen more and more negative reactions to the church's position on homosexuality and same gender marriage. The scriptures prophesy that in the last days women will refuse to have children (don't be surprised when the brethren focus on that at conference 5 years from now). It should come as no surprise that marriage is becoming a lower priority for an increasing number of people. And let's face it, society doesn't do much to support the concept of marriage. People in my generation have seen a greater number of broken marriages, cheating spouses, and expensive divorces than any generation in the past. Jaded people preach against marriage all over the world. The baby boomer generation has done well to teach the importance of education and financial success to their progeny. Not to mention, dating has taken on a whole different meaning - especially in Utah. The perception is that commitment is expected earlier and earlier. I can tell you from experience, that if I haven't kissed a girl by the 3rd date, she starts to wonder if I'm playing mind games with her, and she'll drop me for someone else. Knowing this, girls are much more afraid to accept a 3rd date with a guy they're undecided about - for fear he might pull a move on her before she's ready for it.
Yes, I've seen way too many peers procrastinate marriage, dating, etc. They put their primary focus on education and career. They hang out with girls so that they can get to know the girl before deciding whether to take that bold commitment and ask her out. Yes, asking a girl out is perceived by too many Utah singles as a commitment to pursue the girl. So I fully support the brethren in their challenge for the men of the church to change their priorities and just go for it.
HOWEVER, just because I fit the demographic - just because I'm a single, worthy priesthood holder over 25 years old - DOESN'T mean that the Conference teachings were directed toward me. Elder Holland even reminded everyone of the fact in his talk. Elder Oaks directed his comments toward those who are lacking the desire to marry. Elder Scott's talk was quite clearly meant to convince everyone in the church of the wonderful reasons that we value marriage. Let me spell it out for you: there was NO call to repentance toward those in my demographic who are earnestly trying to get married, and have been unsuccessful for several years. President Monson advised us to choose our wife wisely.
When people point a condescending finger at me in reaction to the words taught at Conference, it's a little painful - not because I'm guilty and need to repent. It's painful because they don't understand how much rejection I've faced over the last several years, and they assume it's all my fault.
3 years ago
