Can we get some better conversation starters? Everybody uses the same ones so many times a day that it almost makes me sick. Think about it: How many times do you find yourself giving the same generic answer to "How's it going?" (granted, that's become more of a greeting than a conversation starter these days). And how many times DON'T you say "nothing" when someone asks "What's new?" "How was your day?" usually results in a one word adjective, with the question being returned to the asker. The conversation starter usually gets nowhere, and people resort to their backup conversation starters: asking about work (it's a 4-letter word), family/dating life (thank you for reminding me that I'm single), or any hobbies of yours that they're aware of (which always risks being out-of-date). When all else fails, people resort to their favorite topic--themselves. You know someone is really grasping for topics when they bring up the weather (unless there's something extreme, like a hurricane).
I'm guilty of these conversation starters just like everyone else. But I try to mix things up every once in a while by asking a random question in place of "How's it going?" For example, a few weeks ago I started asking people "What made you decide not to become a teacher?" I was surprised at how effective of a conversation starter that was. Turns out nearly everyone considered teaching at some point in their lives, and many of their reasons for not choosing the career touch on controversial issues, such as government pay and benefits, disagreements with state-mandated curriculums, and even gender bias and stereotyping in the workplace. Needless to say it was an effective conversation starter, and I had many conversations that were much more interesting than the typical "life is okay. you?"
I've also tried to throw off the generic conversation by having something to say when people ask me "What's new?" In case you're not aware yet, I am obsessed with being busy. If I ever end up sitting at home doing nothing one night, I add something else to my already-busy schedule. So there's usually something new in my life to talk about. But I've found myself resorting to the default "nothing" in two situations: 1) if I can't remember what I've already told you about, or 2) if my life is so focused on one thing and I'm think I'd bore you if I brought up the topic. Such is the case right now in my life. While I could talk about my new home, my roommate's new dog, my upcoming trip to Europe, or the upcoming wedding of one of my best friends, I find myself really only wanting to talk about Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, which has consumed my life lately. I'm incredibly excited about it, and could talk anybody's ear off, but I'm generally concerned that I'll bore the other party, so I resort to the "nothing" that leads to nothing in a conversation.
3 comments:
Maybe I didn't really want to talk to you when I asked you what was new. Did you ever think that maybe I was just being polite? :) Hi Jon, what's new? hehe.
Man, I totally agree. I was just thinking about this the other day, in fact. I've compltetely worn out the question, "How was your day?" to the point that I actually don't care how the day was.
I love that you ask people why they didn't become a teacher! Mind if I steal that for a week or two? I'll let you know how people respond to me.
Good to hear from you, Jon!
You could border your questions on the absurd. For example: "How would you fix the economy in Hagiences?" or some other made up country. Or you could talk about the controversial topic of the moment. Almost everyone has some form of opinion on what's going on, even if they know nothing about it.
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